Free and clear,
Well......hard to find someone who mirrors my out thoughts more than you just did. I have found purpose and meaning in my two small children, and am on a search for meaningful contribution to society somewhere in between living in a tree in the amazon, and going door to door doing nothing.
Here is a conclusion i came to, that helped me understand my own fear. I havent dealt with the fear, but i understand it. Reading bokks on child developement, it seems clear there is,a certain time in a childs life that tje y process death. Lets say a 4 year olds dog dies. They are sad. But fo they understand death? No. They lost a play companion. They want "another". The general understanding that you are living your one and only life (as you know it to be), is 10-12 years old. Now religion interjects itself and says....karma....heaven....nirvana....etc... But JWs are unique in that they teach you WONT EVEN DIE. So the natural process that interhects the idea of death, never gets processed. Oh i dont havecto die? Awesome.
So now you are an adult, you know its BS......guess what you never dealth with when it was time to deal with it.
I hope this helps. PM me if you like.